I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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