I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i drank out of a bidet.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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