That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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