The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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