To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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