So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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