The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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