I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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