the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
