dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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