I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
