im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I cockslap morals
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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