I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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