Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
