If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
