So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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