my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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