I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
