Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
