There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
