I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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