3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im calling her cock vulture from now on
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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