my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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