Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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