you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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