just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
