She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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