Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Welp...herpes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
