I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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