The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
