um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
