and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
