dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
