I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
