I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
