he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
