i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
