Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
