The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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