awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
