Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
