why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
