My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
