You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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