I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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