Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
