After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
