I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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