Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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