I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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