I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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