Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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