I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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