Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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