And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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