Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
