I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
