i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
love makes seman taste better
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
