just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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