Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
