did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
