some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
