hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize