On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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